I've been away from this blog for a few months because of a tragedy. I think I'm finally ready to talk about it. After getting married, Stefan and I started the fun process of making a baby. It took us about 2-3 months, but in late January 2016 I had a positive pregnancy test. I bought Stefan a personalized mug that said #1 Dad on it. He was so shocked he had to sit down.
We spent a week discussing everything from baby clothes to upcoming finances. After 2 weeks of knowing I was pregnant (about 6 weeks pregnant) I started bleeding. At first it was just spotting. I called my gyno, and they said it is fairly common and not to worry. After a 3 days of spotting I knew something was wrong because my pregnancy symptoms were gone. I wasn't overly emotional anymore...I knew I was losing the baby.
On day 4 (Thursday) of bleeding I was laying in bed talking to Stefan before leaving for work when I started getting cramps. It went from a minor inconvenience to full on level 10 pain within 2 minutes. Stefan rushed me to the ER, with me yelling to drive faster the whole time. We got there and they rushed me into the back. They did an ultrasound and offered me pain meds (which I do not enjoy and did not take) and told me I was miscarrying and to go home and try and relax. They didn't see anything on the ultrasound and after being in the ER for 4-6 hours, I wasn't in pain anymore, so I agreed.
The next week I continued to spot blood and mourn the loss of my peanut. Wednesday morning, less than a week after my ER visit, I was walking upstairs to talk to Stefan when WHAM! It felt like someone had punched me in the cervix. I crawled upstairs and curled up in bed with Stefan. He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I said no. After last time, losing 1k in bills and being told to just go home, I decided to ride it out. I sent Stefan to work and just curled up in bed with a heating pad.
I called my gyno again and they said that I should come in and get checked out. The earliest appt they had was 3pm. At 2 the pain was pretty uncomfortable, so I drove over a little early. I got there at 2:30 and asked if they could get me in early. They couldn't but they put me in the "nursing room" so I didn't bother the moms with my Lamaze like breathing (to get through the pain). I'm super thankful that they did this as I was reeling both from the physical pain, but also the emotional pain. If I had to sit in a lobby with pregnant, happy moms to be, I probably would have been bawling within 5 minutes.
A little after 3 they took me back to see the gyno. Mine was out, but one of the other dr's squeezed me in. She said that sometimes, during a miscarriage, tissue gets stuck on the cervix and causes pain. She laid me down and felt my cervix to see if there was anything there. When she did this I yelped and started sobbing. The pain radiated from my vagina all the way up to my chest. It was horrible. "Please," I begged, "please not again." She told me that she didn't see anything, but that
I should go to the hospital (across the parking lot from their office). I tried to talk her out of it, as my last hospital visit was costly and a waste of time. She was unrelenting so I went.
The dr. called ahead of time and I skipped the ER and was admitted to maternity. I went down for another ultrasound (vaginal). By the time I was back in my room they told me they had the results back. I mentioned that was quick...when I was in the ER, it took a solid 2 hours to get the ultrasound results back. They said the tech saw a ruptured fallopian tube and I was bleeding internally.
I called Stefan and told him to get over to the hospital ASAP. While we were waiting for him we discussed the options. The baby had implanted in my right fallopian tube and grown and grown until it had ruptured/exploded the tube. I asked if they could save it, but the surgeon said it was best if it was removed. I agreed.
The dr. pushed back a C-section that was scheduled to get me into the OR as fast as possible. Stefan still hadn't arrived, so I called him again and told him I loved him and then was off to surgery. The surgery went fine. It was done laproscopically (I have 3 lines on my tummy now). They fill your abdomen with air, than use little cameras and special tools to do the surgery without having to cut me all the way open. It cuts the healing time down to a quarter of what it was otherwise.
I spent the next 3 days in AGONY over the gas pain from the surgery. I guess the air pumped into you during laproscopic surgeries causes pressure on your chest. It hurt to breath, to lay down, etc. The surgery pain was minor in comparison. Finally after a week the gas pain went away enough for me to sleep. That was the worst of all the pain.
I'm so thankful to all of the doctors at
Westshore Women's Health as well as the amazing nurses and doctors at St. Johns Hospital. I'm also super thankful for a husband who was so supportive and really helped me through the physical and emotional pain of this experience. It's been 6 months since this all went occurred, and it is getting easier. I still miss my potential baby, and I don't think that will ever go away. Hopefully we'll have some pregnancy news on this blog in the next year or so, but until then, thanks for reading.
